Animal of the Day - Ostrich

Nurse Nipper urged the school to hire more medical staff, in case Gertie made good on her threats. She also prominently added her name to a petition condeming Gertie, sponsored by the "Margaret Mead High School Anti-Slashing League".

The League was controlled by a non-profit called the "Non-Slashening Society", which in turn was owned by "Spearhoof Amalgamated". That company, in turn, had a certain "Splendiferous" on the board of directors....

Animal of the Day - Stonefish

Marina was so moved by Yar-Shuggoth's speech at the debates that she was determined to spread the word far and wide of his candidacy. Sadly, this counted for little, as she had the habit of accidently poisoning any who came near.

Animal of the Day - Belgian Blue

The first attack ad was against Godwin the Warthog. It featured a testimonial from Darius, captain of the school weightlifting team. "I'm real strong and all I ever eat is grass and all I ever chew is cud," he intoned ominously.

"Now Godwin wants to outlaw vegetarian food and make it so I can only eat meat. It's like he WANTS Townville to win the next competition! Well, I got a message for you, Godwin. Why don't you eat ME?"

The commercial ended with a disclaimer warning the student body not to attempt to eat Darius. The message was funded and approved by "Friends of Splendiferous".

Friday Mythical Creature of the Day - Asmodeus

Music teacher Asmodeus was tired of all of this election talk. Auditions for "Guys & Dolls" were just a few weeks away, and Principal Eckley had not even granted him permission to use the auditorium. Truly, democracy was a curse. And Asmodeus knew a thing or two about curses.

Animal of the Day - Golden Mole

Middlenose was torn in her decisions, as family loyalties guided her vote towards Overnose. But who was this unicorn everyone spoke of? Apparently, it was quite something. And yet, unable to actually see it, Middlenose could smell only oats and manure in its presence. All of which seemed fairly unexceptional.

Animal of the Day - Vampire Moth

A substitute teacher from neighboring Horror's Hollow, Garth had little faith in the whole "democracy" craze. All that mattered was the strength of the blood was and the brightness of the flame. Also, perhaps an extension of teacher's union health benefits to subs, so that he could finally get that wing mended.

Oh, and maybe some dental coverage so that he could get his sucker stem shortened. Its weight made flying around somewhat unpleasant.

Animal of the Day - Greenshank Sandpiper

Julius normally didn't vote, and found that he couldn't really muster the effort to care much about this election. Maybe he was just depressed. The horn-horse seemed nice enough, though.

Animal of the Day - Syrian Hamster

Like so many, Yusuf was given a lot to think about at the debates. On the one hand, Gertie had done a decent job appealing to Yusuf's desire to not be killed. Godwin made a strong point about adding vegetarian fare to the cafeteria, though he had not addressed the controversial "wood chip" issue. The scary fish had said scary fish things, and then some cow with horns talked, but Yusuf mostly slept through that.

But the unicorn was most impressive of all. It had a natural charm, and it instinctively gained Yusuf's trust. Now THERE was a leader!

Friday Mythical Creature of the Day - Unicorn

Splendiferous bounded onto the stage and entranced the audience! Such sheen! Such horn! Golden eyes and silver hooves and a musk of honey! Who would vote for anyone else? Who could? Without even saying a word Splendiferous had won the hearts and minds of the voters.

And that was just was Splendiferous wanted. It was all falling into place...

Animal of the Day - African Buffalo

As Manfred took the stage, he did not exhibit the flash and presence of some of his competitors. He did not make outlandish promises. He did not have a catchphrase. Most shockingly, he did not sprinkle the voters with saccharine nothings to make them feel good about themselves.

What he promised was honesty, fairness, and hard work. It was for this reason that he would lose badly.

Animal of the Day - Monkfish

Yar-Shuggoth was not from Hell like so many in the school believed, but rather was from a warm place under the sea. And while he looked terrifying, he had many important policy issues that he would bring to the fore in his Presidency.

Hath not a monkfish scary teeth, asked Yar-Shuggoth. Catch him in your net, do you not toss him back into the sea? If he bites you, do you not contract a rare strain of hepatitus?

For certain, he did not do himself any favors with his speech.

(Photo Credit: Alexander Mayrhofer)

Animal of the Day - Cassowary

Gertie spoke next. Her primary campaign promise was that, if she won, she would not run amuck through the hallways of the school while clawing and scratching at everyone she encountered. It was a strong platform, and many were convinced.

Animal of the Day - Warthog

Godwin was the first candidate to speak at the debates. He promised an end to any vegetarian fare on the lunchline, and replace each meal with only of heaping piles of meat. He also promised to viciously gore the mascot of neighboring Townville High School: The Fighting Flytraps.

Friday Mythical Creature of the Day - Pazuzu

Political science teacher Pazuzu agreed to moderate the debates. All truths would be revealed and all failures would be punished. The impure of heart would burn in the naked light of the flame, and there would be no extensions granted for term papers on the "Whiskey Rebellion".

Animal of the Day - Frog Fish

Chuntao took the electoral process very seriously, as there had been no democracy in her homeland where the Turtle Emperor reigned supreme. Next week would be the debates, upon which she would base her decision.

Animal of the Day - Blue-ringed Octopus

Normally an apathetic non-voter, Marla followed the year's school election very carefully. She wanted to know where the candidates stood on the contentious issue of multiple-pant leg discrmination.

Animal of the Day - Emu

Otto was suspicious and tenacious by nature, and it was these traits which had made him the best investigative journalist the school paper had to offer. He didn't trust the emerging candidates. He was determined to find out what games they were playing.

In the name of the bird-god Flappus, no one would eat his eggs!

Animal of the Day - Asp Viper

Toomey licked his lips and announced that he would be available as a campaign manager for the Presidential election. His experience was extensive, his successes impressive, his methods biting.

Friday Mythical Creature of the Day - Jackalope

Margaret would certainly have run for Class President, if she actually existed.