Stevie the Demon Horse sighed. "If you are absolutely looking to save money at all costs, then might I suggest our CCC Tin Package, which features Kruffkluff the Savage Redcap as a guide."
And savage he was, for Kruffkluff's picture itself showed him gnawing on the femur of a slain "hoo-mun"; the once proud masters of all the world who now reduced living in mud huts and bartering in substandard arts & crafts.
"Hmm," said Mayor Huggsley, "Perhaps we can meet in the middle and find someone a little more agreeable."